i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
