In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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