Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
we have pet lesbian snakes
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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