onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
