i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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