definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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