There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
