Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
