i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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