my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
