guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize