he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
