I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
