her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
