and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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