sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
