I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
