Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i believe in u and ur pee
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
