wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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