I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize