Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
