Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
