I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
