my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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