It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
