Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think your dad took our porno
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
