Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i think i have two assholes
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
