I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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