I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
