I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
