I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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