I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
