i barfeds in our rink
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
