Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
