idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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