omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
