All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
