i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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