drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You made out with two different species that night
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
