dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
