I just cut my nipple shaving
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
