I need help removing her.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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