Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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