How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
