thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
