Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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