i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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