you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
