Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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