I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
