Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
