we're chasing vodka with high fives
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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