The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
