OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
