ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This is classic penis vs brain.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
