you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
