We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
