when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
