Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
