Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
