I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
