ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
