Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
