But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
is wine microwaveable?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
