If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
