I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize