shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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