Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
