That's intense
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just found puke in my bra..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize