I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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