He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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