just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
