Pants 0. Shit 1.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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