you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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