remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
