I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
