I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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