Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
