He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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