considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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