woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
