I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
