Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
