You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So much rum. So many feels.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
