WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I touched a dick in church today
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
