my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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