You smell like a Billy Joel song
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't deserve a penis
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
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