True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
babies were throwing up all over the place
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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