I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
