the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
