i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize