Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize