hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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