Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
home. puking in laundry basket.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
