wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
