You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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