Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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