4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
