I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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