My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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