i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
