you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
