ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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