We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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