my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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