Swine flu. Run for my life!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
