he wants to bone in the snuggie
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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