What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
