Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
