she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I need to calm my uterus...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
