Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
