Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
