I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize