oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
