is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
