I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
